Why do we resist taking the next big step, even when we know that it’s right?

Perhaps you’ve experienced it at least once in your life – knowing deep inside that it’s time to take a big step, yet you can’t seem to do it. You know that it’s the right thing to do, and yet you resist. You postpone. You delay. You follow other distractions in order to avoid taking action. Let me assure you that you’re not alone. At some point in our lives, this happens to all of us. So the question is: Why do we resist taking the next big step, even when we know that it’s right?

The short answer: Because we sense that once we take that step, something significant will change. Maybe everything will change, and nothing will be the same again. And that can feel both exciting and scary.

Something big may be gained, yet something may also be lost. Some part of us really wants that change, yet another part avoids it. We can feel the tension and conflict inside – lots of stories in the head and turmoil in the belly. Our deep inner knowing tells us that in the bigger picture – in service of more than just us – it’s the right thing. Yet are we ready for what will come as a result? Are we ready for what is waiting just beyond our action?

At a fundamental level, these kinds of decisions are really about honoring our truth. They’re about speaking up for what is important to us or for what really matters – about stepping forward into the fullness of who we really are and the path we’re here to walk. These are the moments when we find out what we’re really made of.

And so what do we choose? Are we willing to trust that we will find our way if we are deeply honest with ourselves and live into what we believe and what we know to be true? Do we choose to step forward in the fullness of who we are – to take the step that we know deep inside is the right one, and embrace the changes that may come? Or do we choose to live in fear of what might happen – of what the future might hold – and step back?

Barack Obama said, “We did not come to fear the future. We came here to shape it.”
How do you choose to shape your future? How do we as a collective choose to shape our future?

If you choose to follow your deep inner knowing and to step more fully into all of who you are, you will probably experience challenges. It won’t always be smooth sailing. Yet Life has a way of carrying us when we are on the right path. From my own experience, I can assure you that, if you stay the course, you are likely to reap great rewards – great learning and big growth.

First, your sense of who you are and what your life is about will become stronger. You will further embrace the response-abilities that come with claiming your place in the world.

Second, your relationships with people, ideas, beliefs, possibilities, and the world around you, are likely to shift. How you move in the world and interact with others will change, because you will be thinking, feeling, and acting from a sense of clearer purpose and direction. Not every choice you make will turn out to be a long-term choice. You will go down some paths that you soon realize are not the right ones. It’s OK, just turn around and look for another path that is beckoning. Trust that every choice you make – every path that you explore – will bring you further insights and understanding and will help clarify and inform your next steps. Some you will stick with, others you will let go.

Third, you will experience new levels of freedom. You may not recognize that freedom right away. At first, the floodgates of emotion or reaction may break open, both within you and others, and it can become overwhelming. If that happens, keep breathing. Keep grounding deep inside yourself and in who you know yourself to be. Every time you intentionally step through your fear and resistance and stay the course that every fiber of your being tells you is yours, you walk in the truth of who you are. You stand more confidently in what you have to bring to the world. Eventually, you stop worrying about whether or not you can do it and you just do it!

For me, the first and last lines of David Whyte’s poem, Start Close In, serve as my call to action and help me keep it simple.

Start close in,
don’t take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step you don’t want to take.

In time, you will look back and be grateful that you took that big step. In fact, I look back over my life with incredible gratitude for every big step that I’ve taken. Every considered risk has paid off, even if not always as I had expected or hoped. Yet in retrospect, I see why I had to take that step and what became possible because of it. I’m taking big steps now. And more will come, I’m sure.

What is the next big step waiting for you? If you’ve been reluctant to take it, it’s OK. Just be honest and compassionate with yourself, and engage your fear. Ask your fear what is underneath the flashing lights and screaming sirens. What is the real message that it’s asking you to pay attention to? Respond to that message. Take care of what you can take care of; put everything into place that you can.
And then take the step. Trust that new doors will open. Trust that new possibilities will emerge that you hadn’t imagined. Life will carry you. And you will have taken another big step forward.

 

Alan Seale, PCC, CTPC, MSC

About the Author:
Alan Seale is an award-winning author, inspirational speaker, transformation catalyst, master teacher and mentor to many leaders and coaches, and the founder of the Center for Transformational Presence.

 

Daring To Be Totally Yourself

“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way,
ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.” 
~Deepak Chopra

What does it really take to live from your authentic self? What does it take to dare to be who you are?

There’s nothing more attractive and inviting than someone who is confident in who they are and what they believe in.

Oladimeji Odunsi from Unsplash

There’s an elegance and ease about them. Better yet, when you can live that way, you can share that enthusiasm with others and life is more fulfilling.

Contrary to that is someone who doesn’t know him or herself well, someone who depends on other people’s opinions for validity, or self-worth and their identity. These types of people are unsure of their values and purpose.

If you have no idea who you are, it can be confusing and painful. With lots of judgment, denial, hiding-out and defending of yourself.

Can you identify with these situations?

The biggest problems arise when you look outside of yourself for gratification, praise, and identity. Everyone wants to feel good about themselves, and have deep, meaningful relationships and a purposeful life.

However, if you don’t really know yourself, it’s impossible for others to know you, or for you to know your true purpose.

Eddie Kraus from Unsplash

Letting Go Of The Past

I can totally relate to both of these scenarios. For most of my early life (birth-30) I was a very shy, quiet, young woman who did not speak up and sat in the back of the room in school. I was terrified of being seen and having to open up to and speak about myself. This was distressing for me when I was accepted to nursing school and was constantly being required to speak up and be seen.

I had no idea who I was. I was like a chameleon. I could change and adapt to whatever situation I found myself in. Being a quick adapter, was a survival skill that served me well to deal with the chaos and trauma of living in a home with an alcoholic father who died when I was 7 and a depressed mother.

Brene’ Brown author of Rising Strong says “when we deny our stories, they define us.” When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending. 

Finally, after years of sadness, depression, and self-denial of who I was. I decided to change my life and own my story. It took courage, faith and deep soul work to believe in myself and to choose to live the life God had given me and the life I really wanted to live. A life with purpose and meaning.

I had to be willing to let go of the woman I was to be the woman I was becoming.

The major key to self-love and joy is to know yourself at your deepest level of being and to remember your true spiritual, multidimensional nature.

Svetlana Pochotun from Unsplash

This leads to a certain steadiness in life. Unlike being dependent on outside influences, you’re guided by your inner truth. This gives you strength for all that life has to offer. You’re able to be present, live with passion, and more fully experience the whole spectrum of emotions, from great joy to great sorrow, and still remain at peace.

Are you ready to be who you really are?

Gabriel Silverio from Unsplash

Here are four ways to honor yourself and embrace the power of being you. As you start to adopt them in your life, notice how your view of yourself and the world become brighter, more meaningful, and more mystical.

  1. Deepen your spiritual practice. A spiritual practice means taking time to look inward and experience your true nature. Examples of spiritual practices are meditation, prayer, yoga, being in nature, doing something you love, engaging in an art project, sitting in silence, or even immersing yourself in sound. It can be anything that inspires you to be, observe love, and feel.
  2. Be willing to dig deep into your beliefs and self-sabotaging behavior and emotions. Become aware of the recurrent thoughts about which you often think. Note how often you rehash a conversation that took place weeks or even years ago, or how often you imagine negative, fearful outcomes.
  3. Know and live your values and purpose. Take the time to determine clearly what you believe to be your most important values. What MUST be present in your life for you to feel good? Write 3 to 5 of them down and why they are important to you. Then, start to observe your thoughts. Take note of how you make decisions and take actions that are congruent with your values. Make your values your guide to action.
  4. Use your unique gifts and talents to help others. We are all one and at the same time each individual is unique and has a specific place in the universe. You have been given talents and skills that are unique to your journey, but you must relate to others to survive and thrive. When you clear your own misunderstanding about the truth of your existence, everyone benefits. you help us all.

Annie Spratt from Unsplash

Marianne Williamson in her book A Return to Love. Says,  “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”

5 Steps to Get Unstuck and Move Forward With Your Life

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It has been a hard year for a lot of us as we experience loss, grief, health issues and radical change, both personally and globally. Although you may not be able to make all the changes you want now, you can start to mentally and emotionally make changes for how you want your future life to be.

It’s time to get unstuck and make a change! Do you know what changes you need to make? If you are like a lot of us, there is at least one area where you feel stagnant, blocked, or at a loss.

Should you try to breathe life back into a tired relationship–or say enough and stop throwing good years away? Have you had it with your ho-hum job that is leading you nowhere? Do you need to take better care of your body in a healthy way but don’t know where to start? Are you yearning for change?

It is a time for deep introspection, and for exploring how you want to live this part of your life and how you want to become more authentically who you are.

Photo by Oliver Cole on Unsplash

Step One: Schedule a quiet time to think about some of the questions you need to ask yourself to make change. Do I want to spend the rest of my working life in my present career? What changes can I begin to make now to ensure better physical and psychological health for the rest of my life? Which relationships do I want to keep and which do I let go? Am I really happy and content with my daily life now? The deeper question is “What Would I Love to Do With My Life?”

Step Two: Get clear about what you want for your life. Develop a personal profile that highlights several areas: Your passions, your dream job or career, your wish for where you want to live, and your overall health and wellness. Give yourself permission to get in touch with your suppressed vision of who you truly are and how you want your life to actually be.

Step Three: Identify obstacles and outdated beliefs. Do you have limiting thoughts that are holding you back? Your set of beliefs, thoughts and lifestyle habits, which include your food choices, your form of exercise, your sleep patterns and stress level, can be an obstacle for living a healthy lifestyle. What are your thoughts and limiting behaviors? It is essential that you learn how to recognize your unproductive thoughts, and how the thoughts make you feel. If you feel good you know you are in a positive or higher vibration. Develop tools such as empowering statements like “Everything is in divine flow”, listen to music that will energize and refocus your thoughts.

Step Four: Take action to make permanent change. It is not enough to just verbalize or visualize your goals. You must have a plan and take steps to create what you want! Action Steps: Write down your vision and action steps to achieve them during the next 3 months. Identify your strengths and areas that need improvement and follow up with your plan.

Step Five: Get help to hold yourself accountable. To help you manifest your goals and dreams, I recommend that you create accountability by finding a buddy, hiring a coach, attend a weekend retreat or joining a mastermind group with like-minded people to help you reach your goals.

We are all coping in these turbulent times. It’s not abnormal or unusual to sometimes face the lesson or challenge, or to sometimes be in the dark either unaware or stuck. Relief is palpable when we discover that it’s okay to be where you are. Breathe, let go!

Are you Living Life Without Regrets?


Regrets, we all have them — things said or done; things left unsaid or undone. Paths that weren’t followed; opportunities missed due to fear or insecurity.

Research shows that a large number of people have reported it was not what they have done but “what they did not do” that was their deepest regrets.

According to Bronnie Ware, a former palliative care nurse who wrote the book, “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying,” based on her conversations with the dying, the biggest, most commonly cited regrets at the end of life are — beginning with the most common regret of all:

  • One of the most frequently cited regrets at the end of life is not having the courage to be true to oneself but rather doing what others expected.
  • Another regret was not having the courage to express one’s feelings and emotions to people they loved or cared for deeply.
  • Other common regrets include: working too much, not staying in touch with friends, and taking life too seriously and allowing worries to diminish happiness.
  • Many men, at the end of life, say they regret missing out on family time because of excessive work.

Unfortunately, many people find out too late that happiness is an inside job—a choice, not a side effect of living any particular kind of life, and regret taking life too seriously and allowing worries to diminish their happiness.

What Do You Regret?

I don’t regret much that I have done in life. If I had not done what I did I don’t think I would have experienced all the wonderful opportunities and adventures in life that I did. I didn’t take the safe path of a secure job for most of my life. As a small business entrepreneur, your life is always up and down and you can find yourself living on the edge way too often.

For me, it is like what most people say it is not what I did it is what I did not do that I regret. I would still like to live in California by the ocean and to have a relationship with the right divine love partner for me. Fortunately, I can still work on those desires.

Here are a few suggestions that help to eliminate issues that trigger regret:

  • First and foremost, it is critical to heal your core wounds and to work on manifesting your life purpose. To me, this is the essential healing work for your life that is necessary so you can live a meaning life. It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams and passions along the way.
  • Secondly, simplify your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do so you don’t have to work so much.
  • Thirdly, live more in the moment. Eckhart Tolle writes that “Living In The Now” is a major component of happiness, and a significant way to grow in gratitude, both of which also have an impact our health and longevity.

I believe Your Life Is Your Own, Live It the Way You Want.

The take-home message here is this: If you’re currently doing, or avoiding doing something you know you’d regret if you only had weeks left to live, change course now. Don’t wait years or decades. Eventually, you’ll run out of time and will be left holding a bag of regrets.

Your life is your own — you’re the only one who can live it successfully, so follow your dreams and passions, and let go of unnecessary baggage and false limitations. At the end of your life, you’ll realize you don’t care about what other people think of you nearly as much as you believe today, and — if you’re like most — you’ll come to the realization that happiness is, in fact, an ever-present choice.

What do you regret? Have you been able to let go of those past thoughts? Let me know.

The Top 5 Ways to Build Resilience During Difficult Times

Photo by Alex Ibe on Unsplash

At this point in the world, we must all realize that we’re living in very challenging times and yet at the same time, a very profound transformational period. It seems everybody I know is going through something on a personal level-illness, fatigue, sadness, depression. grief, and or loss.

In addition to your personal journeys we are being threatened by, political breakdowns, mass shootings, devastating earthquakes, merciless wildfires, severe storms- with mass flooding.

Humanity is in the throes of an ever-growing collective consciousness that wants to evolve, yet old ways of being and outdated modes of consciousness are struggling to hold on to the known.

So, the big question today, is ‘How do we build resilience so that we do not collapse under stress, grief, loss, and fear and at the same time keep our hearts open to others and take care of ourselves?’

Awakening is no longer a luxury or an idea. It is critical.

It is also critical that we deal with our own anger, feelings of separation, addictions, and fear.

Mayo Clinic reports that Resilience is the ability to adapt well and recover quickly after stress, adversity, trauma or tragedy.

I believe I have developed fairly strong resilience over my lifetime resulting from my childhood and the traumas I experienced as well as the tools and spiritual practices I have taught and engaged in over the years.

I have had losses that have taken me to the underworld of darkness but I have always been able to rebound.

The eye of a hurricane is a place of calm, around which spins the storm. We become the eye when we pull ourselves out of the chaos and into the present moment.

Here are several ways that I recommend to pull yourself out of the storm and into the calm of the eye of the storm that will help you build resilience to deal with emotional and physical pain during these difficult times.

Photo by Jennifer Regnier on Unsplash

Five Daily Practices to Build Resilience

  1. Mindful Awareness of Thoughts 
    Stop and experience what you are doing-driving, doing the laundry, or walking. If you are thinking thoughts of the past or future bring your mind into the now. Focus on your heart, breath and come back into the awareness of what is around you.
  2. Heart-Brain Coherence Meditation
    New research indicates that you do not need to meditate for long periods of time to have a positive effect. You do have to connect the breath to the heart and the brain. Start by sitting and relaxing for 5-15 minutes. Inhale from the heart to the head and exhale the breath from the head to the heart. When you connect the heart and the brain you develop less resistance to meditate.
  3. Spiritual Support Group.
    Join or start a spiritual or a healthy living group with at least 4 people who come together live or remotely to support each other in moving through these difficult but transformational times.
  4. Gratitude
    Start your morning by saying what you are grateful for. If you think you have nothing to be grateful for being grateful for your breath and that you woke up today. Gratitude for your life will change your life.
  5. Extreme Self-Care and Compassion.
    During periods of stress, we often fall back on old patterns of relating to ourselves and the world. We can be harsh and critical, and not care for our body. To build resilience we must support our body and mind to heal with healthy food, water, and exercise. You must care for yourself!

These are just a few of the ways to develop tools that help you become more resilient. How have you become more resilient? Let me know, I am always interested in learning what helps others.

Say Yes to Your Life in 2018!

“If someone offers you an amazing opportunity to do something and you’re not sure you can do it, say yes. Then learn how to do it later.”
— Richard Branson

When was the last time you said ‘yes’ with confidence, excitement, and passion? In life, there are those of us who dare and those of us who try our best not to get ourselves into any situation that requires us to be uncomfortable in any way.

Saying ‘no thank you’ to new experiences is the easiest way out of learning anything from life that you do not already know.

It may sometimes be safe to say no, but it’s hardly ever a great learning experience.

Saying yes, to ideas, projects, and adventures can lead you down a path you would never be on if you do not take the chance to say Yes.

What are you willing to say “Yes” to in 2018?

Why do we not say yes to our life?

  1. We are terrified we will make a mistake. We would rather live small and safe. So many people never do anything out of the box. They never say yes, sometimes they say maybe but mainly they say no thanks. They go to the same place for vacation, socialize with the same people, eat in the same restaurants.
  2. We live a life for someone else, not ourselves.
    Most people follow a path in life they think is for themselves when they are really just living for the approval of their family or others.
    Research shows that many students choose to study a career path that is not their passion or purpose. It may be years later before they realize that their passion and gifts are not being shared with the world.
  3. We don’t believe we can have or deserve what we want.

We have a lifetime of unproductive, self-limiting thoughts and behaviors that unconsciously tells us no. We live in the past and repeat the same thoughts over and over. It is impossible to live the life of your dreams if you live in the past and focus on regrets.

Life is too short to not live for yourself. Your friends, family and business acquaintances may or may not accept the life you want to lead, but doing so is still what you must do if you want to be truly happy and live with a purpose.

“When we go to our Source, we activate the energy that reconnects us to our purpose.”
— Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Joyce Dillon, RN, MN, BCC,
Visionary Life Purpose Coach,
Radio Host, Mind-Body Practitioner, Intuitive Painter

Change Your Brain by Changing Your Energy

Author Jack Canfield says, “If you go to the core of most of our problems, it’s the way we think.” Our old ways of thinking often prohibit us from understanding the truth of a situation, or exploring more options for resolving an emotional issue.

Your beliefs, thoughts and lifestyle habits including food choices, exercise, sleep patterns, stress, energy management, work environments and spiritual practices all contribute to the way you are currently living, or creating the life you desire.

I recently had the privilege to see Dr. Joe Dispenza, author, and teacher of neuroscience and human potential in his workshop entitled, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself.

Dr. Joe said “no body changes until you change your energy.

You have to become greater than your body, your environment and time.”

You can’t make a change in your life while in the same energy vibration that the problem, illness or situation was created in.

You must elevate your thoughts, and emotions, to align with your powerful visions to create a different outcome.

Eliminating negative thinking is a critical step for manifesting what you desire. If your thoughts and beliefs are not aligned in a high vibration, it will be difficult to create the aspects of your life that you desire.

Make a list of your challenges or limiting beliefs that may stand in the way of achieving your goals.

Acknowledging your challenges is the first step to dissolving them. Each challenge then becomes the basis for designing your positive intentions, thoughts, beliefs and action steps.

If you are not happy with the results in your life you have the power to choose to think different thoughts that will create a different outcome.

Action Steps:

  1. Become aware of the recurrent thoughts about which you often think. Note how often you rehash a conversation that took place weeks or even years ago, or how often you imagine negative, fearful outcomes. Catch yourself in this thought and immediately disrupt it and deny it. State out loud, “I don’t believe in this anymore.” Take control to redirect your chronic thoughts!
  2. Identify areas in your life where you feel out of balance. Imbalance becomes obvious when certain parts of our selves begin screaming for our attention. If we get sick, we may have been neglecting our body’s needs. Take note of the imbalance, then let go of all the distractions that keep you from nurturing whatever you know you’ve neglected, and address it.
  3. Be willing to start a daily meditation practice which supports you to learn how to better manage your thoughts. Use often the powerful “I AM” statements: “I am capable. I am confident. I am courageous. I am awesome.” Catch yourself every time you hear a negative thought like, “I can’t” or “I don’t” or “I won’t” and shift gears to their polar opposites: “I can.” “I do.” “I will.” Affirm yourself and free yourself!

This is your life do you really want to spend most of it living in the past?

Create a Crystal Clear Vision for Your Life!

This is the third blog in this series on Life Purpose that helps you get to know yourself better by getting really clear about who you are authentically, and what you desire for your life.

Why is it so difficult to get clear about what we deeply desire?

When we were young, we were creative and dreamed of our bright futures. What happened to those dreams? I believe that as adults, we have forgotten how to play, create, and dream. We focus on so much other stuff that keeps us from listening to the deeper voice inside; stuff like people-pleasing, staying constantly active and stressed, living someone else’s dream, craving more power and/or security, or old beliefs that cripple us with pain, fear and doubt.

So how do we start to get really clear? Here are three practical steps to get more clarity on remembering who you are from your deeper essence. Just write whatever comes up from your mind. Let your mind think really, really big! Do not edit yourself!

Step One: Get Quiet

Sit in a comfortable, quiet place, be still, meditate, and listen to that little inner voice that has been trying to reach you. What do you really want to do next? What is trying to come forth from you? Pay close attention to your recurring dreams, fantasies, intuitions, feedback and longings.

Step Two: Make Note of Areas That Keep Calling Out to YOU

What do you like to do, what interests you, what keeps drawing your attention? What keeps showing up in your life? What keeps calling out to you?

Which magazines do you look at? In which courses or classes are you interested but never allow yourself to take? About which subjects do you daydream? Like opening a day spa or a coffee shop at the beach in Mexico, or using your creative flair with food to become a chef?

Step Three: Record Your Answers to These Questions

Next, while still in your quiet place, let your body and mind relax, and ask your inner self: Let’s go a little deeper.

  • What did you especially love doing when you were a child, before the world told you what you should do? What is uniquely your gifts and talents?
  • Tell me about two of your most challenging life experiences, how have they shaped you?
  • What do you enjoy doing in your life that helps you feel really empowered?
  • What images keep popping into your mind when you think about your passion?

I hope the above questions and writing exercise has helped you get more clarity for living the life you deeply desire. Please consider coming to the Living Boldly From Your Purpose.

Discover How to Live Your Life On Purpose

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage”. – Anais Nin

People who know their purpose, know who they are, where they are going, and why they are doing it.

They’re living life free from doubt and lack of clarity about where their life is going.

They know why they are on the planet and what their gifts and talents are. They are on a path that leads to success, meaning and happiness.

But for many of us, we’re stopped cold from fear and excuses, never knowing what our purpose is or how to discover how to begin living on purpose.

  • “I can’t make time for this. My family needs all my attention.”
  • “I’ll feel guilty honoring my own dreams and doing something for myself.”
  • “I should just make do with what I have in my life. Who am I to want more for my life?”
  • “People will think I’m crazy for doing this.”

If you are willing to discover how to live on purpose your intentions, your goals and your overall vision for your life will dramatically change. This is how I can help you.

Start by taking the Free Life Purpose Self-Assessment Quiz to get you started on your path to freedom.

Unleash the Power of Your True Purpose!

As a life coach and life purpose facilitator, I speak daily with people who are unhappy, unfulfilled, and clearly not living the full, abundant life they desire and deserve. When asked, what is keeping them from living the life they envision, they tell me:

“I don’t have time to pursue my purpose”; “I don’t know how to find my passion or purpose”; “I’ll have my life after the kids are grown” or “When I retire, then I’ll be able to really live my life.”

Does this sound like you?

You may be thinking, “But Joyce, how can I summon my courage to transform my life, to let go of all I know and trust the unknown, when everything in my life is falling apart?

Sound familiar? It should, because our excuses can sabotage our best intentions. To these excuses, I always reply, “THIS is the time for you to live your purpose! Stop delaying your dreams! There is only now! There is only this moment from which your present and your future can emerge.”

I would say, this is exactly the right time to step into your power.

The next five blogs will go into detail on how I decided it was time for me to make change. I will present the step by step process that helped me to live more on purpose.

Before you start your inquiry to find your purpose you must be able to muster up the Courage to tell yourself the truth. My truth was I was very tired of living my precious life in ways that did not support me in my highest potential to serve the world and to offer my unique gifts and talents.

What is your truth?

Catch me next week.

Peace and Love,